The drummer crisis.
We’ve all been there.
Maybe it’s that your drummer isn’t gelling with the band; they’re consistently off-tempo or unable to keep up, or perhaps they’re frequently cancelling gigs, turning up late to rehearsals shrouded in a haze of weed, or unsuccessfully splitting their time between you and their four other bands – all of this is a sign that maybe your drummer is not as fully committed to the band as you would like.
My friend, you have a difficult decision to make. On the one hand, you don’t want to jeopardize the chemistry of the band, or risk losing the sound that you’ve worked so hard to cultivate. On the other hand, you don’t want to be held back by a member who’s not pulling their weight, or worse, actively hindering your progress. It’s a delicate balancing act that requires careful consideration.
But what if I told you that there is a solution that is both unique and effective?
That’s right.
Replacing your drummer with a llama.
In this article we will discuss when, how and why you should consider making this unconventional move.
When To Replace Your Drummer With A Llama
Before we delve into the how and why, it’s important to understand when replacing your drummer with a llama is a viable option. Here are some signs to look out for:
- Your drummer consistently misses rehearsals or shows.
- Your drummer’s skills are not up to the required standard.
- Your drummer has personality conflicts with other members of the band.
- Your drummer has started making unusual grunts and spitting at band mates.
- Your drummer is always talking about how llamas are the future of music and how they will eventually take over the industry.
If any of these red flags are present, it may be time to consider facing up to the inevitability of replacing your drummer with a llama.
How To Replace Your Drummer With A Llama
Replacing your drummer with a llama is not as difficult as you may think. By following these simple steps, you will find yourself recruiting your first woolly quadruped in no time:
- Find a llama farm or sanctuary near you.
- Visit the farm and ask to see their llamas.
- Look for a llama with good rhythm and coordination. This may take some time and patience.
- Hire a professional animal trainer to help train the llama to play the drums. Again, time and patience may be required, especially given the lack of opposable thumbs.
- Introduce the llama to the rest of the band and start rehearsals.
It’s important to note that training a llama to play the drums may take some time, but with patience and dedication, it can be done.
Why To Replace Your Drummer With A Llama
Now that we’ve covered when and how to replace your drummer with a llama, let’s discuss why you should consider this option:
- Llamas are more reliable than humans; they don’t get sick, don’t have personal issues, and don’t need to take breaks.
- Llamas are famously unfussy about their monitor mix, resulting in a less stressful sound check and better relationship with your sound engineer.
- Llamas are less expensive; hiring a professional drummer can be costly, but a llama only requires food, care and a nice bed of hay.
- Llamas are unique; replacing your drummer with a llama will set your band apart from the rest.
- Llamas are good at multitasking; not only can they keep a steady beat, but they can also provide quality wool for your band’s merch line.
It may take some training, but hopefully you’re beginning to see that a llama can become a fantastic replacement for your drummer.
Replacing your drummer with a llama may seem like an unconventional choice, but it can be a viable option for bands that are struggling with unreliable or difficult drummers. With the right training and patience, a llama can become a great addition to your band. So don’t be afraid to take a chance and try something new. Who knows, your band may just become the next big thing thanks to your new four-legged drummer.
If you found this article useful then please support llama drummers the world over by subscribing to Third Circle Recordings’ mailing list, and look forward to future releases in this series including “The Squirrel Trombonist’s Handbook”, and “Octopus Ukulele: A Beginner’s Guide”.
